sometimes i really do just feel like writing. i don't really feel like i have much to write about sometimes, particularly in this moment, but it's nice to have a place to do so.
having a personal website and taking the time to beef it up has been a pretty nice thing to look forward to. gone are the days of being clutched by how many likes i didn't get on my last tiktok. i still check in on tiktok from time to time using my partner as a conduit (whom i talk about a lot (i just wanted the opportunity to link my posts about her ^_^))... but i dont really miss it outside of the discussions and smiles it brings us on a fairly irregular basis
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anyways, i'm rambling a bit. the reason i write today is because im starting to truly feel the effects of being a normal person. school is going remarkably well – with me finding a passion i want to pursue more than video game sound design – my social life isn't completely awful, and i have a bunch of fun trips lined up!
i believe that as i get better at the things i do, i feel more supported by those around me because i am actively showing off what i can do. this is a novel thing to me! when i started college, i thought i was gonna end up composing or doing live shows, but that wasn't my groove. now that i've found it (my groove) i truly feel like i contribute to the people around me.
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on that note, i haven't teared up in a while... okay i'm lying. i've been playing the witness a bit and did NOT expect to be HIT by a FREIGHT train (don't worry, this is related). there's a woman who talks about the concept of aspiration and desire being a fundamental part of a person's sense of self, and how that's sometimes stunting to a person's happiness. i think that i don't need to tell myself what i want to do anymore, i just do it, which i why i've been feeling a lot better lately. don't get me wrong – i still have a LOT of work to do on myself,
but i think i'm getting to one of the best places i've been in my life (fingers crossed, knock on wood, salt over the shoulder, PLEASE beam luck to me).
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anyways (again), i'm just about done here. if you're still reading, id recommend you check out my rss feed for this blog. thank you for passing through, and i hope to see you in the next one, he shouts into the void.